I am a man in my mid 30's, not unlike most men I suppose. I am married and have young children. I've been a committed Christian for the last 15 years, yet I've had a skeleton in my closet. Unlike many of the testimonies I've read at SCF, I wasn't addicted to porn and hadn't ruined my marriage and family (Praise God!). But I did have a sexual addiction that stemmed from early in my boyhood. I was sexually active and did lots of exploring in my early years and then was fairly promiscuous in my teens and early twenties, like most normal guys, I presume. Early in my teens I discovered masturbation, and for the most part, it has remained a part of my sexuality over the last 20 years. I have been exposed to porn and even sought it out at times, but mostly just to fuel my imaginations. I struggled with 'checking women out' and lustful looking, but nothing more.
Over the last 15 years I've held various levels of responsibility in the churches I've served in, yet to some degree continued to fall in mental and sexual sin. I have sought the Lord many times concerning this problem and found varying degrees of relief, but never any 'true freedom.' I seriously wondered if He could really ever deliver me. I had suppressed God's conviction for so long, that I was able to live with it and justify it as 'natural' sexual expression. But finally and recently, it became an overwhelming thing that consumed my thoughts and drove me crazy. I was absolutely at wits end and totally helpless to control the thoughts and desires, although with everything inside of me I did not want them there. I had reached rock bottom and was ready to deal with it regardless of the cost and embarrassment.
God impressed James 5:16 on my heart as the key to my deliverance. I resisted for a long time, but finally I called a friend and for the first time I confessed the details of my longtime struggle. Very embarrassing! Yet, he confided in me he had had similar issues as well, and he agreed to hold me accountable for changing my behavior. Shortly thereafter, I was telling another friend and he recommended SCF to me. I enrolled and found it to be just the thing I needed to help me remain accountable, while working through the biblical principles I needed to find freedom and restore my relationship with the Lord. I think that the web is the perfect place for this sort of study and it offers a unique blend of availability, confidentiality, education, and accountability.
Today, I stand pure and delivered from masturbation and the overwhelming lustful thoughts that controlled me. I can declare the faithfulness and power of God for overcoming all addictions, and I highly recommend SCF as a tool in fighting this battle. I have even already referred one friend to the site and he's actively copying me as his accountability partner, and I expect to watch God's power at work in him. This serves to keep me accountable and give me the needed review of the concepts and scripture in the course. I close saying that I thank the Lord for saving me and delivering me and I thank SCF for making this resource available.
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